Charismatic Woodling Creatures
by frevr-dumb
Summary: The G-Boys go to church one Sunday morning at a back-woods gathering.
1. Charismatic Woodling Creatures

(Trowa, Duo, Quatre, and Wufei were sitting around the breakfast table eating   
their favorite food one Sunday morning. Suddenly, Wufei slams down his fist   
against the table)   
  
Wufei- "Duo!! Stop stepping on my feet!"   
  
Duo- "It's not me!"   
  
Quatre- "I thought that was Trowa's feet!"   
  
(He looks under the table and misses a disturbed glance from Trowa)   
  
Wufei- "Well, I don't care who it was! Just stop! Don't you think getting kicked   
was a good enough hint?!"   
  
Trowa- "That was me you were kicking..."   
  
Wufei- "Whatever, just stop!!"   
  
Quatre- "Well, Trowa did it to me first!"   
  
Duo- "That was me..."   
  
Quatre- "Oh..."   
  
Wufei- "Enough!!! And pass me the WHEATIES!"   
  
(Duo goes through five boxes of cereal and throws the appropriate one. Wufei   
takes it and throws himself another bowl.)   
  
Duo- "I can't believe you like that stuff!" (He pours more cereal into the   
mixing bowl he's eating out of.)   
  
Wufei- "Unlike some people I know, I do not need sugar to substain myself."   
  
Quatre (innocently)- "You mean you're not always after his lucky charms?"   
(Everyone stares at him.) "What?"   
  
Wufei- "Just eat your Pebbles, fruity, and shut up!"   
  
Trowa- "There's no need for rudeness at the table, Wufei."   
  
Wufei- "And you and your basic four- it's all you eat, Basic Four, Basic Four!"   
(Trowa blushes for some strange reason...) "This is why we have to buy five   
different types of cereal every couple of days! No one eats the same thing!!"   
  
Duo- "Well, we all have our special needs!"   
  
Wufei- "I fail to see the reason for Hiiro's attatchment for Cocoa Puffs!"   
  
Quatre- "Oh, Wufei, you know he's koo-koo for his Cocoa Puffs!"   
  
Wufei (muttering)- "He's koo-koo about everything..."   
  
Trowa- "Where is Hiiro, anyway?"   
  
Duo- "He got a phone call upstairs. I hope he stays up there at least five more   
minutes. His Cocoa Puffs aren't squishy enough, yet." (He pokes one.)   
  
Quatre- "Why do you always pour him a bowl almost half an hour before he comes   
home? They're always soggy!"   
  
(Duo starts to snicker.)   
  
Duo- "Because he likes them that way! Ha ha ha!!"   
  
Quatre- "I'll bet he doesn't! Hiiro's going to yell at you again! He probably   
likes crunchy cereal once in a while!"   
  
Duo- "What do you know!"   
  
(Just then, Hiiro comes tripping down the steps in his socks. He ignores Duo's   
snickering as he sits down. He absent mindedly taps his spoon aainst the soggy   
Puffs with a dreamy look on his face.)   
  
Duo- "I poured your cereal for you, Hiiro!" *snicker*   
  
(Hiiro doesn't answer.)   
  
Trowa- "Uh, oh, what's wrong? Who was that on the phone?"   
  
Hiiro (snapping our of his trance)- "Nobody!!"   
  
(Duo rolls his eyes.)   
  
Duo- "Uh huh, sure....I'll bet I know who it was!!"   
  
(Hiiro glares at him.)   
  
Hiiro- "It was a mission briefing, that's all!"   
  
Duo- "Yeah, right! I'll bet it was Relena!"   
  
(Duo flutters his eyebrows and gets hit in the head with a spoon.)   
  
Duo- "Ow!!"   
  
Quatre (squealing)- "It was!? What did she say, Hiiro??? What did she say?"   
  
Hiiro (turning red)- "Nothing! It wasn't her!"   
  
(Wufei looks at Hiiro.)   
  
Wufei- "You're a terrible liar."   
  
Trowa- "What did she want?"   
  
Hiiro (irritated)- "Nothing!"   
  
Duo- "Some of his sweet sugar lovin'!! OUCH! Where are you getting these   
spoons??!!"   
  
Quatre- "Are you going out?? Are you?? Can we come too?? Can we??"   
  
(By now, Hiiro is really ticked.)   
  
Hiiro- "NO! SHUT UP!!!"   
  
(Hiiro runs up the stairs and slams his bedroom door.)   
  
Duo- "Man! He's stuck on her bad!"   
  
Quatre (comfortingly)- "I'm sorry, Duo."   
  
Duo- "What do you mean? I don't care!!"   
  
Quatre- "Oh, okay...I thought that-"   
  
Wufei- "Fill your mouth with Pebbles and be quiet!!"   
  
(Duo pushes his half full bowl of cereal away from him.)   
  
Wufei (horrified)- "What are you doing!?"   
  
Duo- "I'm stuffed. I can't eat anymore."   
  
Wufei- "But there's still cereal in the bowl!"   
  
Duo (shrugging)- "I'll pour it down the sink."   
  
Wufei- "The hell you will!! Wastefulness is a sin, Maxwell! You're going to eat   
all of that!"   
  
Duo- "I told you, I'm stuffed!"   
  
Wufei- "I'll show you what "stuffed is if you don't eat it NOW!!"   
  
Trowa- "It's time to get ready for church, anyway."   
  
(Everyone groaned. Part of a school asignment had been visiting different   
religious gatherings. Needless to say, this less than thrilled some of the   
group.)   
  
Trowa- "Stop it you guys! Why don't you listen instead of sleeping? You might   
leran something!"   
  
(He ushers them all into their rooms to get ready. Quatre emerges wearing a   
tuxedo. Wufei wears his traditional white garb. Trowa comes out in a coat and   
tie and shakes his head at Duo's blue jeans. Hiiro comes out in a white button   
up shirt, kaquis, and belt.)   
  
Duo- "Oooh. We're dressing up pretty! Our hair is even combed! Any particular   
reason, Hiiro?"   
  
Hiiro- "I'm going somewhere afterwards."   
  
Duo- "Ooooh! I see! And- OUCH!! DAMMIT!! Where are you getting those!!"   
  
(They all tumble into the car and set out. Trowa is in charge of the map, while   
Wufei insists upon driving.)   
  
Trowa- "Hey, Wufei, take a left here."   
  
(The car tires screech and lift off the ground on the right side.)   
  
Trowa- "Oh...kay...um..." (He twists the map around.) "Wait, no! Quick, make a   
U-ie!"   
  
Hiiro- "What?"   
  
Trowa- "I'm not talking to you."   
  
Hiiro- "Well, you called my name."   
  
Trowa- "No, I said U-ie!"   
  
Hiiro- "I know! That's my name, don't wear it out."   
  
Trowa- "Nevermind."   
  
(They drive along in silence for a time. Wufei comes to a merge in two roads and   
does not slow down at the YIELD sign. He simple drives through it causing a car   
to flip and crash into another car, exploding. Everyone except Wufei looks back   
to see people screaming and flames everywhere.)   
  
Trowa- "Umm...Wufei? That was a YIELD sing back there."   
  
Wufei (snapping)- "I yield for no one!"   
  
(They pull into a little road off the highway. It leads through a few trees   
directly to a small log cabin.)   
  
Hiiro- "What the? What is this place?!"   
  
Trowa (glancing at the map)- "It's the 'Lord's House of Prayer'."   
  
Duo- "Looks like the 'Lord's House of Regression'. What's with the rustic look?"   
  
  
(They circle around looking for a parking space. They finally find on and Wufei   
pulls in.)   
  
Quatre- "This is a handicapped spot."   
  
Wufei- "We're in a church parking lot. What are they going to do?"   
  
Trowa- "That's taking advantage."   
  
Wufei- "You're point?"   
  
(They walk in on a bear skin rug and are met with the smell of pine.)   
  
Hiiro- "Aww. Quaint."   
  
(Trowa gives him a warning look, and they sis down in a pew. There are people   
all around, but they are quiet for the most part, waiting for the sermon to   
start. Duo is already dozing off when a microphone screeches on. Everyone holds   
their ears. A big burly man wearing a T-shirt and shorts steps up onto the   
stage.)   
  
Quatre (whispering)- "Trowa! That hairy man doesn't have any shoes on!'   
  
(The burly man picks up a guitar and steps up to the microphone with his eyes   
closed. Suddenly, they pop open, and he screams into the mic.)   
  
Burly man- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! CAN I HEAR AN AMEN!!!"   
  
(Quatre shrieks and all the other pilots are too startled to say anything, but   
the rest of the crowd stands and screams.)   
  
Burly man- "THE LORD IS GOOD! HALLELLUJAH! CAN YOU FEEL HIM HERE THIS MORNIN'?!"   
  
  
(Everyone starts screaming again, bouncing up and down.)   
  
Duo- "Umm, we need to get out of here now!! These people are crazy!"   
  
(The burly man along with some other instruments begin to play an old hymn, and   
everyone starts yelling out the lyrics. The boys all cover their ears to try to   
drown out the noise. Suddenly, bodies began hitting them as they leap over the   
pews.)   
  
Wufei- "These people are possessed!!"   
  
(Pretty soon, they are the only ones that are not rolling around on the floor   
crying and screaming. Then, the music stops. One woman stands up with an   
ecstatic look on her face. She starts to yell out some sort of strange dialect.)   
  
  
Duo- "What in teh world?"   
  
(Quatre wrinkles up his eyebrows and listens.)   
  
Quatre- "She's speaking some form of Arabic, but I'm not sure why."   
  
Trowa- "Well, what's she saying?"   
  
Quatre- "Uh, 'where is the bathroom' and 'how do i reach the ariport'?"   
  
Hiiro- "Sure sounds like she's saying a lot more than that!"   
  
(Quatre listens some more.)   
  
Quatre- "She's telling us that she has a pass port and she wants to know where a   
hotel is."   
  
Duo- "This is nuts!"   
  
(The lady finishes and falls to the ground in a dead faint. The burly man jumps   
up."   
  
Burly man- "PEOPLE! WE HAVE HEARD THE VOICE OF THE LORD THIS MORNING!! CAN I   
HEAR AN AMEN!!"   
  
Everyone- "AMEN!!! HALLALLUJAH!!! PRAISE YOU LORD!!! HALLELLUJAH!!!"   
  
(They all start jumping and rolling around again. Duo runs over to the front   
doors, but can't open them.)   
  
Duo- "It's locked!"   
  
Wufei- "Great!"   
  
(Suddenly, the music quiets down to a gentle piano playing. Everyone stands and   
sways as they sing 'Just as I Am'.)   
  
Burly man- "If any of ya'll feel the ened to escape and run away- AWAY FROM THIS   
LIFE!!! Just come on up to the alter! AMEN THERE IS AN EXIT RIGHT HERE!!"   
  
Quatre- "Do you hear that!? He's gonna tell us how to get out of here!!"   
  
(He runs off towards the front before any of the others can stop him.)   
  
Trowa- "Quatre, come back! I don't think that's what he meant!"   
  
(He runs after him, but Quatre reaches the burly man.)   
  
Quatre- "I want out!!"   
  
Burly man (looking up to heaven)- "Thank you, Lord, for sending this lost soul   
our way!"   
  
Quatre- "What?"   
  
Burly man- "ARE YOUR READY TO FEEL THE HOLY POWER OF REDEMPTION?!"   
  
Quatre (starting to cry)- "I just want to get out!!"   
  
(To Quatre's suprise, the burly man's eyes roll into the back of his head and he   
places a hand on Quatre's forehead.)   
  
Burly man- "Son, BE HEALED WITH THE POWER OF THE SPIRIT!!!"   
  
(With that, the burly man shoved Quatre's head back and he went flying. His head   
crashed into one of the front pews, and he lay there, lifeless.)   
  
Trowa- "Oh, my god! Quatre!!"   
  
(Trowa ran to him and tried to wake him up while the burly man stood over them   
both. Quatre didn't respond, only started to shake confulsively.)   
  
Burly man- "AMEN!! THE HOLY SPIRIT IS PURGING HIS SOUL!! FREEING HIM FRON SIN!!"   
  
  
(A few hours later...   
  
Everyone had screamed themselves hoarse and couldn't scream any more. The Piano   
cycled through "Just as I Am" yet again. The pilots had laid Quatre, who had   
lapsed into some sort of coma from head trauma, onto the pew next to them. They   
now sat there, drowsy and exhausted.)   
  
Duo (yawning)- "Man, how many times are they going to play this song? That's the   
eighty-seventh time!"   
  
Hiiro- "I think the service is almost over."   
  
(The burly man shuffled up to the mic.)   
  
Burly man- "Thank you, everyone, for coming together to praise the Lord today!   
PRAISE THE LORD!!"   
  
Wufei- "Oh, for the love of Nataku!"   
  
(Everyone started screaming again, and they seemed to have found a new energy.   
Another song started up. Trowa walked over and punched out a window.)   
  
Trowa- "We're getting out of here, now!!"   
  
(No one disagreed with him, and Duo grabbed Quatre. They all sneaked out to the   
car. Wufei found a ticked on his car and snatched it off.)   
  
Wufei- "BASTARDS!! People in wheel chairs wouldn't come to this place!!"   
  
(They all got into the car and made a hasty escape.)   
  
Duo- "Well, that was educational! I learned that religion can be brutal."   
  
Wufei- "I learned that you guys aren't the only nutcases out there."   
  
Hiiro- "I fell asleep." (He then looked at the time and cursed.)   
  
Duo- "Aww, did you miss your mission briefing? OUCH!! DAMN!!"   
  
(Trowa sighed. They all drove to McDonalds to get something to eat and ordered   
five large french fries. Everyone stared at Quatre when they dragged him in. He   
had turned some unnatural color. They propped him up against the window in a   
booth seat and sat down. After a katsup war, Hiiro had to go flush out his eye   
in the bathroom. Duo asked Quatre if he wanted his fries, and didn't get an   
answer. He took it as a yes. After the last fry was eaten and the last katsup   
packed squirted, everyone heaved a sigh and leaned back. Then, they all jumped   
at the sound of a noisy group of people walking in the door.)   
  
Burly man- "HALLELLUJAH!! THANK YOU LORD FOR THESE GOOD BURGERS! AMEN!!"   
  
(The pilots all shuddered and slunk out the back.)   
  
Duo- "Talk about someone who needs to lose their religion!!"   
  
Trowa- "I think they need to get one..."   
  
tHe EnD  
  
If you liked this, go to the next chapter. 


	2. "Duo, he pesticided me!"

All the Gundam pilots are sitting in the lobby. Wufei is pumping up with his squeaky thingy. Trowa is thumbing through an entertainment magazine backwards. Hiiro is trying to talk to Relena over static on the cell phone, and Duo is hitting the T.V. Quatre is sitting at the table with his chin resting on his palms, daydreaming.   
  
Duo- "Piece of shit!! WORK!!"  
  
He gives the T.V. one final SMACK. It smokes and completely dies.   
  
Duo- "Damn..."  
  
Hiiro- "WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU? THERE'S A WHAT IN YOUR WHAT??!"  
  
Everyone covers their ears.   
  
Wufei- "For the love of Nataku, Hiiro, just call her back!"  
  
Hiiro ignores his comment. They all hear an annoying voice over the static.   
  
Hiiro- "There's a pea under your matress?! Well, who put it there?!"  
  
Duo giggles as he passes Trowa. Impulse seizes him, and he grabs the magazine from Trowa's unsuspecting hands.   
  
Duo- "Ooooh!! What 'dis?"  
  
Trowa- "Maxwell, give it back."  
  
Duo runs around the room keeping it away from Trowa.   
  
Duo- "'Britney Spears considers enlargement'! Why are you reading about that?!"  
  
Hiiro- "Well, why didn't you call the authoroties?! WHAT?!"  
  
Duo laughs so hard that Trowa catches him. He then thrusts the magazine into Duo's face.   
  
Trowa- "I was reading THIS, you dope!"  
  
Duo- "'Fear of Clowns Can Lead to Other Things'. Whoops, sorry."  
  
Trowa gives him a good slap on the back of Duo's head before going back to reading interesting things about his one true love.   
  
Wufei- "Oh, I'm getting my entertainment today..."  
  
Hiiro- "WHAT!? The spider went where?!"  
  
Quatre heaves a long, dreamy sigh. Duo pops up and waves his fingers in front of his face.   
  
Duo- "Hello? Earth to Q. Where's your Gundam right now, Quatre?"  
  
Quatre- "With her..."  
  
Duo- "Whoa! Quatre's in love...but I thought you and..."  
  
He glances over at Trowa who gives an ominous glare.   
  
Quatre- "I don't know what to say to her, Duo! She's so smart and pretty...I'll just make a fool of myself..."  
  
Duo- "Weeell, I could help you out, y'know, but first you've gotta tell your bro, Duo, who it is!"  
  
Quatre- "NO! You'll laugh at me!"  
  
Duo- "Me? Laugh?! Never!"  
  
Hiiro- "It's sat beside you?!! WHAT?! It frightened you away?!!"  
  
Quatre- "Her name is Grace, and she's amazing!"  
  
Duo- "Really? Where do you know her from?"  
  
Quatre- "Our company was having roach problems...so we had to call pest control."  
  
Duo- "I'm asking how you met Grace! You're wandering, Quatre."  
  
Quatre turns red.   
  
Duo- "You mean she's a...!"  
  
Quatre- "She kicks some roach ass like nothing I've never seen before!"  
  
Duo bursts out laughing.  
  
Hiiro- "HELLO! WHAT? YOU BROUGHT THE LAMB WHERE?! TO SCHOOL! HELLO?!"  
  
Quatre- "What should I do, Duo?"  
  
Duo was still laughing.   
  
Duo- "Why don't you call her up and tell her you're a roach! HA HA HA!"  
  
Quatre- "Don't mock! Hers is a noble profession!"  
  
Hiiro- "OH MY GOD!!"  
  
He slams the phone down and runs out the door.   
  
Wufei- "What is it?!!"  
  
Hiiro- "London bridge is collapsing!!"  
  
Duo- "Whatever! Listen, Quatre, this is how you pick her up. Go up to her and say, 'Hey, babe, I think I have bed bugs. How 'bout checking it out?'"  
  
Wufei- "Pulease!"  
  
Quatre- "And that really works?"  
  
Duo (supressing laughter)- "Oh, yeah, every time. You wouldn't believe all the exterminators I've picked up with that line."  
  
Wufei- "Bull."  
  
Quatre- "I've gotta try!"  
  
He runs out the room.  
  
Later that day, Duo comes back to the lobby with spare parts to the T.V.  
  
Duo- "Still reading about clowns, Trowa?"  
  
Trowa- "Uh, yeah..."  
  
Duo fixes the T.V. and flicks it on. It lands on the news channel.   
  
Reporter- "I'm here at London Bridge right now where, apparently, Wing Zero is still blocking traffic. The suit landed there earlier today claiming that there was an immediate danger and that all citizens should clear the area. Five hours have passed full of various searches throughout the premises and no such threats have been found. Authorities are trying to reach the pilot now, but are meeting with difficulties." (Camera switches to the scene.)  
  
Cop- "Get off our bridge, you son of a bitch!!"  
  
Hiiro's voice over the speakers- "Up yours!"  
  
Cop- "You're getting five tickets for that!"  
  
Wing Zero pulls out its beam saber and slices through the cop's car.  
  
Cop- "Make that six, you BASTARD!"  
  
Reporter- "We'll keep viewer's updated." (She is handed papers.) "This just in! President of the Winner Coorporation, Quatre Rebarba Winner, was found unconscious in his room...apparently, someone had entered and sprayed him with pesticides until he stopped twitching! Doctors predict that nothing beyond brain damage will occur."  
  
Duo- "Oh, shit..."  
  
Wufei- "Nice job."  
  
Reporter- "We now bring you to the hospital where he is in intensive care."  
  
Camera switches to new reporter.   
  
New Reporter- "Mr. Rasheed, what is your opinion and the opinion of your forty comrades?"  
  
The Maguanacs are all crowded into the lobby sobbing uncontrollably. The camera shifts over to Rasheed, but Duo and the others hardly recognize him because he has shaved his hair and beard in mourning.   
  
Rasheed- *sniffle* "Whoever did...this...to Master Quatre *sob*, I will shave their hair off so they can see what it's like!!"  
  
Duo unconsciously clutches his braid.   
  
Duo- "Oh, crap!"  
  
Wufei- "HA HA HA!"  
  
Reporter- "We've now just received word that Mr. Winner has regained consciousness! We are now going to hear his words on the incident."  
  
The camera bounces into the hospital room. Quatre is lying in a white bed with an IV hooked up to his arm. His eyes are closed, but they pop open when the reporter speaks.   
  
Reporter- "Mr. Winner, would you mind a few words with the press?"  
  
Quatre (a little too energetically)- "Of CoUrse NOT!!"  
  
Duo- "Well, he seems okay..."  
  
Reporter- "What happened to you earlier this morning?"  
  
Quatre- "I had bed bugs!" *giggle*  
  
Reporter- "Analysis says that you were sprayed with pesticides! Why was that?"  
  
Quatre's eyes are wandering about the room and land on the camera. He grins and grabs it from the man.  
  
Camera man- "Hey! That's my birthday present you freak!"  
  
Quatre ignores him. He sticks his face up to the camera taking up the whole screen.  
  
Quatre (yelling)- "Hi, Duo! Are you out there!? Just wAnTed to leT you know that iT WorkEd! ShE TotalLy dug me! Then hEr boyfriEnd shOwed up. He didn'T even HarDly leT me Put mY robe on before he PESTICIDed ME! He called me baD names, toO! What's a mo fo, Duo?!"  
  
The reporter snatches the camea back. There is a struggle, but she puts her high heel on his face and shoves him back into the bed. Quatre laughs and mutters something about "seeing France". The reporter is frazzled and tries to fix her hair as she speaks.  
  
Reporter- "Apparently, the damage done here will be unrepaid until the culprit is found."  
  
Duo- *Gulp*  
  
Rasheed (in the camera)- "And we WILL find you!"  
  
Wufei- "That doesn't sound comforting, eh Duo? Duo?"  
  
Duo- "I've gotta go, bye! Tell Hiiro hi for me. Gimme that-" (snatches Trowa's magazine) "See ya later!"  
  
Trowa- "Britney..."  
  
The End 


	3. The Ultimate Crossover

"DIE!"   
  
Hiiro pressed the button and watched with glee as a missile blew up Duo's craft. Duo threw down his controller and hit   
  
the T.V. screen as Hiiro laughed maniacally.   
  
"Dammit! This Diddy-Kong racing game sucks!"  
  
"You're just mad cause you lost!"  
  
"Shut up, Quatre, no one asked you!"  
  
"Why don't we switch to movies?" Trowa suggested.   
  
"We don't have a V.C.R." Quatre reminded him.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Wufei's fixing it..."  
  
"God!" Duo rolled his eyes. "It'll never work now!"  
  
Just then, Wufei came out of the back room carrying black boxes. He set them all down by the T.V. with a triumphant smile. Trowa raised an eyebrow.  
  
"What is this?"  
  
"It's our new, improved, multi-tape deck, digital V.C.R.!" he yelled, followed immediately by a screaming laugh.  
  
Lightning flashed and the electricity gave out. Everyone cowered in the dark. When the lights flickered back on, Wufei was already hooking up the wires. Trowa heard chattering in his ear. Unprying clinging arms from around his neck, he tried to pull them off. Quatre's blond hair was standing straight up.   
  
"That's so cute!" Duo squeaked. "Why don't you ever hold me like that, Hiiro?"  
  
"I'm not holding him like anything!" Trowa yelled, and he dropped Quatre on the floor. Hiiro was already beating Duo over the head with the butt of his gun. They all stopped as blue sparks came from the T.V. corner. Wufei took out a stack of video tapes and started putting them in. He then took a gigantic clicker out and pushed the power button. Lights flashes and sparks flew as the machine powered up. Everyone started screaming.   
  
"IT LIVES!" Wufei yelled.  
  
"What's going on, Wufei?!" Hiiro demanded. "My head feels like it's getting ripped off!"  
  
"I see swirlies everywhere!" Quatre cried.  
  
Then there was darkness...  
  
Hiiro woke with a groan. He put a hand on his head and took off a red cap. Wait a minute! He looked at his hands. Gloves...?  
  
"These aren't my clothes!"   
  
He looked around. Wasn't this a forest? What was he doing here?   
  
Suddenly, the bushes next to him began to shake. Hiiro froze. He took out a gun and aimed, breathing quietly. Then, it lept out of the bushes. Hiiro shot, and the thing dropped midair. A wheezing, nasal voice creaked:  
  
"Bul...ba...saur...*croak*"  
  
Hiiro just stared.   
  
"Oh, GOD NO!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Trowa got up and dusted himself off.   
  
"Funny," he thought. "I thought I put on blue jeans this morning..."  
  
He looked around and saw that he was in a desert. Now this was interesting...then something whizzed over his head. It whirled past him, and then all of a sudden, three beings stood before him.   
  
"Is this one of them?" the black haired one with the bandana around his neck asked.  
  
"No," the blonde answered. "His hair is not pointy enough."  
  
"Perhaps it is a trick," the tall mowhawked one said. "I do not trust him."  
  
"Um..." Trowa looked at the humanoids. "What are these?" He fluffed out his puffy red pants. "Did you take my blue jeans?"  
  
"They are coming!" the black haired one said to the blond.  
  
"What?" Trowa looked and saw more lights speeding towards them.   
  
A man with pointy black hair and a bright orange suit stood with a caped green giant and a small, bald midget. The green giant spoke in a growl.  
  
"You're going DOWN, Androids!"  
  
Trowa looked at him, troubled. "You sound familiar..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Wufei woke up in an alleyway. He jumped up and stared into a glass window.   
  
"Incredible! We've entered different dimensions!"  
  
Sirens screamed in the nearby streets, and there was a thick fog. Wufei turned around to behold a large, shining, silver motor bike. He trepidly crept up to it to peek at the inside. He looked around once more and then popped up the top and slipped into the seat. He flipped up the power switches and twisted the handles. The rumble of the engine shook the ground.   
  
"This is SO cool!"  
  
Wufei popped open a compartment and took out black shades.  
  
"Oh yeah baby!"  
  
He straightened his leather and thumbed his nose. Then he sped off.  
  
Soon, he noticed all the people were heading towards a large, sphere shaped metal ball protruding out of the ground.   
  
"What is that?"  
  
He drove towards it. At the top, there was a boy with a long, red cape and hair that looked like he had stuck his finger in a socket. He stood with a perpetual frown. As he drove towards the boy, a red motorcycle stopped in front of him.   
  
"Who are you!?" a boy with a city accent yelled.   
  
"Are we in New York?" Wufei wondered.  
  
"Listen, man, I don't know where you're from, but you'd better get that bad ass bike outta here, and yours, too!"  
  
"Who's the kid who looks like he's had too much sugar?"  
  
"The kid who's gonna blow you to hell and back in a second! Get outta here!"  
  
Wufei powered up and sped past the boy. He screeched to a stop in front of the strange caped figure.   
  
"Who are you?" Wufei demanded. "You look like me with a bad gel-job!"  
  
The boy looked at Wufei and wrinkled up his eyebrows. "I want your bike," he said.  
  
Wufei laughed. "Tough cookies, you can't have it."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Duo sat up and looked around. He stared at all the wires everywhere. Sitting in front of him was some sort of computer. Curiously, he clicked the "ON" button. The screen lit up, and a mechanical voice spoke:  
  
"Welcome. Please enter user's name."  
  
Duo typed in his name and waited. The computer beeped menacingly.   
  
"Unrecognized user. Please state your name."  
  
"Duo," he spoke slowly.   
  
There was more beeping.   
  
"Access denied. Please remove yourself from the user's chair."  
  
"Stupid computer," Duo mumbled.   
  
"I know you are, but what am I?" the computer asked.  
  
"Listen buddy," Duo stuck his finger in the screen's 'face'. "I don't know who programmed you, but he's got to be a real moron."  
  
"That was a pretty stupid thing to say. You are a very pathetic being."  
  
"I know you are, but what am I? " Duo teased.  
  
"Get your smart-ass out of the chair!"  
  
"Make me! AAAAAAACK!"  
  
Wires began beating him about the head, and then clipped on to him. Suddenly, he was in a pitch black place.  
  
"Where am I?" he wondered. Then voices spoke.  
  
"Who is Lain?"  
  
"Who is Lain?"  
  
They echoed everywhere.  
  
"I don't know!" Duo yelled. "Did you look in the phone book?"  
  
"Who is Lain? Who is Lain?"  
  
"My name is Duo," he offered.  
  
The voices stopped, and there was a long pause.  
  
"Who is Duo? Who is Duo?"  
  
"I'm me! Just shut up!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Quatre felt the snow cap on his head. He looked at his baggy jeans and wind breaker.   
  
"I'm a street guy!" he giggled. Thenk, he noticed a box next to him. Openning it, he gasped. It was a gun. Suddenly, a girl stood before him. She was very timid looking with brown hair wrapped up in braids to form loops.  
  
"Are you him?" she asked in a sweet voice.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Come on! We gotta go!"  
  
She grabbed his hand and ran towards the escalator in the mall.  
  
"Where are we going?!" Quatre yelled.  
  
"SHH!" she hissed.  
  
She stopped and bent over to take something out of her case.  
  
"You may not know this," Quatre informed her, "but your skirt is a little...short." She ignored him. "In fact, you can kinda see alot, y'know?" She still gave him no answer, only threw a gass can. It exploded, and people started to scream and panic.   
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Quatre yelled.   
  
"There he is," she pointed to a man in a buisness suit.  
  
"Who?"  
  
The girl didn't answer, only walked directly up to the man, and put a bullet through his head. It then bubbled and exploded.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Quatre screamed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"ASH!" Brock put his hands on his hips. "Guns aren't allowed on the show!"  
  
"I'm not Ash," Hiiro said for the umpteenth time.  
  
"Brock is right, Ash," Misty stepped up next to him. "And why didn't you come over last night?" she whispered. Hiiro frowned at her.   
  
"And what are we gonna do about Bulbasaur?" Brock cried.   
  
"Eat him," Hiiro said, "I'm kinda hungry..."  
  
"Ash!" Misty yelled.   
  
"Prrreee!" Tokepi chirped.   
  
"What kind of shit is that?" Hiiro said, pointing at Tokepi.   
  
"Ash, this show is Y7! Behave!"  
  
Something suddenly hopped up on Hiiro's shoulder.   
  
"Pika-!!"  
  
Hiiro quickly threw the thing to the ground and stomped on it. Brock yelled.  
  
"You're going to get in serious trouble, little man!"  
  
Hiiro didn't answer. He just shot him.  
  
"AARGH!" blood streamed from his chest as Brock reeled to the ground.  
  
Suddenly, the entire world started to morph.   
  
"Oh no, Ash!" Misty looked at her hands.   
  
"What's going on?!" Hiiro demanded.  
  
"The show! It's becoming TV14!"  
  
Hiiro looked as his jeans began to tighten and his muslces bulged.   
  
"Oh, well, this is cool."  
  
He looked over at Misty. She was now wearing a low cut tank-top and almost no shorts at all. Hiiro raised his eyebrows.   
  
"Way to go, lover boy," she flipped her long red hair behind her shoulders and put her hand on her hip. "Now we're up to our heads in shit!"  
  
"I think it's an improvement," Hiiro said, looking around.   
  
Then, a huge booming voice roared.  
  
"TOOOKKKEEPPII!"  
  
"Ash, look out!" Misty whipped out a laser gun and blasted it. Green goo covered them.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"RRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRR!!!!!!"  
  
Everyone's eyes were twitching.  
  
"How long do we have to do this?" Trowa whispered to the small bald one. "It's been half an hour, already.  
  
"Concentrate!" the green one said.  
  
"But I don't see how making these sounds and twitching is going to help anything!"  
  
Everyone stopped and stared at him.   
  
"Blasphemy!" Piccolo yelled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"  
  
Bits and pieces of metal began to fly around Wufei's head.   
  
"RARRRRRRRRRRRGH!" Wufei screamed back.  
  
They were standing head to head now in a contest. The whole city was watching, holding their breath. Finally, Wufei yelled a yell so loud, the moon blew up.   
  
Then a man screamed: "Akira has returned!!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Duo stood tapping his foot. This girl with glasses was getting on his nerves.   
  
"It no longer mattered whether I was in the real world or-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you said that already. I don't understand! Why did you die again? And don't start doing that funny thing with your face!"  
  
The girl heaved a sigh and disappeared. Duo was left alone until a girl with short hair with a lock to the side appeared.   
  
"What are you doing in my Navi?"  
  
Duo looked at her. "Lain, right?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Quatre was curled up in a little ball by the sofa. The man with the funny patch scared him. So did the girl with the funny earrings. Where was he, anyway?   
  
The girl was speaking to the man.  
  
"Is this the guy? He's too scared to be any good."  
  
"I'm not scared! I just have a kind heart!" Quatre cried indignantly.  
  
The girl giggled, and the man cocked an eyebrow.   
  
"Shut up, kid," he said.  
  
"See, you're angry! That's not good. We need to learn to deal with our anger." Quatre stood up. "We all have to learn to let go of it. Open up! Listen to the heart of outer space!" The girl and man now let their mouths drop. "Let the love flow, people- let the love flow!"  
  
"Kite," the man lit a smoke, "shoot him."  
  
Quatre shrieked, but all of a sudden, he was teleported back to their living room.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Duo grinned at Lain again and took a sip of his soda.   
  
"So, you're into Navi's eh? I'm pretty good at machinery myself, you know..."  
  
Lain looked at him, uninterested.   
  
"In fact...if you like, sometime, I can show you my Gundam and..."  
  
Duo looked at the words on a nearby sign. As he did so, they started to morph. He read them aloud:  
  
"'Fulfill the property'? Wait, no! Prophecy! What prophecy?"  
  
The words morphed again into: "Not you, bozo- beat it!"  
  
"Damn," Duo rolled his eyes. "Everyone here is so rude. I would leave if I could, but-"  
  
Then Duo was transported back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"My loyal subjects!" Wufei yelled. "Your mighty lord, Akira, with the awesome bike, has returned! I order all your hair to be cut and died black like mine! Also-"  
  
He then disappeared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Now, what was your name?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Krillin."  
  
"Krillin, you try!"  
  
Krillin walked up and quickly zapped a nearby tree.   
  
"Very nice," Trowa applauded. "See? You don' t really need all that twitching and bitching to kill each other! And think of how much faster the episode would go!"  
  
"You are truly the greatest master!" Goku cried.  
  
Trowa was about to say something when he suddenly vanished.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Whoever heard of bedroom monsters!" Hiiro yelled as he pried Misty's hands off of him. "They'd have to call it Bed-a-mon!"  
  
"Just kiss me, you fool, we're on HBO, now!"  
  
Hiiro slapped her hands again. "This is crazy!"  
  
Just then, James came walking in wearing a dress and pink lipstick.   
  
"Hey, Misty! After you're done with him, I want a turn!"  
  
"AAAAAAH!" Hiiro screamed, and suddenly, he was back in the room with all the others.  
  
They now all stood staring, not saying anything. Then Duo spoke.  
  
"Hey, Hiiro, bet I can beat you using Banjo!"  
  
"You're on!"  
  
The End 


End file.
